paintedpony's profilePony's PlacePhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
|
1/31/2009 Good Energy SpinningGood Energy Spinning (will be posted to both of my profiles) Much time has gone by since I’ve written anything here, and as is so true, with time comes change. And change has certainly been happening for me, and it’s all GOOD. My “Personal Life” Not many people know the story of me and my children from my first marriage. Without going into a lot of details, I left that marriage in 1977 with nothing but some clothes in a paper bag.. Not even my children (which was the hardest thing I’ve ever done), who were 4 (Heather) and 6 (Christian) at the time. Barely able to financially survive myself, on my own, it was the best… and only thing I could do for them. I knew that with mother in law in the same town, they would never go hungry and always have a roof over their head. And so, as with many divorces things “went bad”… and communication with my children eventually became impossible. All I could do (for the next more than 10 years) was have the hope that one day they would, on their own, seek me out to get to know the “real” me. My daughter was the first. I was blessed (yes, I say blessed) to be around her when she was a wild teenager (15 years old) and doing things she shouldn’t lol… this while she came to live with my second husband and me. And then she was gone for too many years…. The last contact I had with my son was when he graduated from high school. I was “allowed” to go to his graduation and even see him afterward, then a few phone calls, and then he was gone… for many years. Then out of the blue, I received a phone call from Heather (well, not directly lol) and we reconnected in 1996, not long before she was to be married. Our relationship grew, and today our bond and love for each other knows no bounds. We have a very, very deep connection that is uniquely special to say the least (if she‘s reading this, she knows exactly what I mean lol). She has grown to be a beautiful woman both inside and out. And now, after 20 years of hoping and waiting, my son chose to have contact with me over the holidays at the end of last year. I can’t even explain the emotions I felt when I heard he wanted this. So far we have had quite a few phone conversations (I can just hear those who know me… “Kathy? On the PHONE???” lmao). Things are progressing slowly, in a positive way. And even before the first call, we had both decided it would be best to leave his “burning questions” for a later time. He will be 38 in February… The Me At Work I’m writing this now as a draft in a MS Word program, and am not sure which MSN profile I may have already discussed my job (if at all lol), and don’t want to stop now to look and see. So briefly, I started my job as a trainee in 1978, and after 2 or 3 years moved into a department that I knew I’d enjoy, as it required me to learn ALOT and the work itself could be a real challenge. By about the late 80’s I was running it. I think one of the major advantages I had was being there when we finally joined the world of computers, and wanting to know how all my work “stuff” worked in it. So being the curious type, I learned a lot on my own about that too, and it has served me well. In October of last year I was given the title of Senior Tax Specialist, and two weeks ago was offered the position of Assistant Tax Manager… and I accepted it. I’ve spent the time since then moving things into my new office. Now, ya gotta understand that over the years we’ve moved from one building to another (we’re in the third now), and my desk and work area have moved more than a couple of times. I’ve been at my (current? last? My new position is “official” on Monday) desk for… hmmm… at least 12 or 13 years? And I’ve had a bad habit of accumulating a lot of “stuff” lmao. So the moving part has been a major production. I’ve filled a large trash bin at least 3 times now lol… I refuse to take the packrat mentality with me rofl. I had left word that my computer could be moved Thursday night, so on that day, after work I stopped at the store to buy two cakes as a positive gesture for everyone on the floor (people in our office LOVE to eat lol). Then, Friday morning, (yesterday) I was really surprised to see a large sheetcake with a message of congratulations on it for me :D. Another thing ya gotta understand is that this change is a bit scary. I’m going from a specialty job in which I knew everything, to something where things will be unfamiliar (areas of knowledge that have changed a lot since I dealt with them long ago). But I think being a little scared is a good thing, because if I remember correctly, 28 years ago when I went into another department, I was just scared enough to want to learn everything there was to know about it. I’ve already told my online sisters about all this… and I’m not sure why I felt the need to put it here… but I feel even better now. This year was off to such a good start… and lately I’ve actually been feeling “uplifted” with a lot of positive energy. When I came up with the title for this post, it reminded me of what I learned years ago about the Lakota’s Spinning of the Pipe which is done in the month of March. During that, things are shared from past, present and future so one can “turn a new leaf” as some say. I guess wanting to share something positive can only be good… and I will do my best to do better with communicating with those I love and hold close, and I will continue to have good thoughts about those who have drifted away. 2:21 PM | View trackbacks (0) | Blog it
12/1/2008 Follow-UpTy for the previous comment sis... it's always good to hear from you, so I really appreciate it The weekend was a good one, I'm home safe and sound, which is all I ever ask for. Left the motel at 9 am yesterday cuz I had been keeping an eye on the weather reports, so I totally missed the bad storms coming AND the awful traffic. I learned my lesson back in 2003 the "Sunday after Thanksgiving"... stuck in non-moving traffic on Interstate 75. I had been at a pow wow in Louisiana and had actually planned to make the trip home Monday after the rush, but had a spur of the moment change in plans lol..... NEVER again will I go through that traffic nightmare, bumper to bumper traveling at a snails pace. Jimmy called me Thursday night, he's sick with bronchitis, so I went by myself after all Anyway, the weather was good.. not "sweating hot" for buckskin, and the evening air wasn't freezing cold as it has been in the past. The dampness DID get to my knee tho, so I had to leave before it was over for Saturday night. I think this was the 2nd year in a row Dwayne Whitehorse was the arena director, and he does an excellent job. I met him years ago... he's a good friend of David's. Rex Begaye & Barbara were there... hadn't seen them in awhile. Lots of other people I've met in the past... it's always good to see them, and meet new people too. This is all for now... I've got things to do. But I'll start that album real quick. Mitakuye Oyas'in 11/27/2008 Time To Pow Wow
It's going to be a good 4 day weekend, so today I'm preparing for the roadtrip up to the Chambers Farm pow wow at Ft. McCoy (NE of Ocala). The last pow wow was so easy... practically right down the road. But I love these trips, hours spent listening (and singing to lol) my own CD music compilations. It's a pow wow I go to every year, but this time it's gonna be SOOOO different... I'm actually allowing someone to come with me lol  (my close friends are probably freakin out over that lmao). He's an old friend from high school, that just over a year ago I found out is living right here in Florida over on the east coast. You have no idea how weird this is gonna be for me... I'm the one who goes everywhere by myself, just the way I like it, with lots of time to think and ponder while driving. No set time to leave or arrive, do what I want when I want. Guess I'll consider this a kind of "therapy" for me rofl, because as my friends all know, I hiberbate ALOT. My HS friend Jimmy has become aware of this and respects my need for lots of space. He's one of the only two people I actually pick up the phone to CALL once in a blue moon roflmao (the other is my daughter). I've driven over to his place a couple of times this year, and he's come over here too. But I gotta tell ya, he likes to talk ... alot lol... and I DON'T. So I'm picturing the long drive to Ft McCoy in the car, stereo blasting and him trying to converse with me lmaooooooooo. I think our comfort level with each other is good enough that I'll just be able to tell him to shuddup (laughing while I say it of course) without him taking offense. We'll see lol. Oh... and I DID remember to call the motel where I had a room reserved to tell them that one king size bed will have to be changed to two full LOL.
A few years ago, when I used to meet with David E. at events like this, I'd drag along enough food to feed a small army lol. NOT gonna do that this time... just gonna bring one large and one small cooler with snacks like cheese, summersausage, crackers and other stuff (plenty of Pepsi One.[my PLASMA lol] ... some OJ, vitamin water, & Gatorade). I'm betting I won't be able to get him to try frybread . I went to the grocery store with him one time and he actually LOOKS at labels to make sure it's like low fat etc. But he WILL have his first buffalo burger I hope those of you that celebrate Thanksgiving have a wonderful day and enjoy your turkey (I had mine at the office). One birthday gift I got just over a week ago was a gift card to my supermarket... so I treated myself and now have two beautiful filet mignons ripening in the fridge - one for today and one to freeze. That with a potatoe to nuke and I'll be as stuffed as your turkeys lol. I'm so grateful - every day- for those I call my FRIENDS and am thinking of them all with good wishes and lots of love. And our dear friend in common, TGO, who began his soul journey recently, is residing in a special place in my heart. I've been missing our almost daily email joke exchanges ALOT. With his sense of humor, he's probably tight with George Carlin right now lol. TGO, I'll dance for you this weekend... Anyway, will be returning home on Sunday and scheduled Monday off from work. So I'm going then to visit my daughter , who will be 36 this Sunday I don't know how my head got to wandering around to so many places here lol. Time to get back to chores and stuff. Maybe I'll get around to posting again after the long weekend. Tok'sa ake 11/1/2008 TonightIt was thirty years ago tonight, at about 9pm that my mother crossed over. Thirty years... it hardly seems possible. But as things every now and then fall into just the right place and time, there was the annual AIA pow wow just 10 miles from my place. Talk about convenience and opportunity lol.
So tonight, at 9pm, I was dancing for my mother. I danced for you, mom... and I know you were there watching over me as you are so often. And there was at one point such a powerful feeling of a closeness, between you, my daughter and me. I wish you could be here physically to see her, and also see how she and I are so much alike.
I wish I could touch you one more time and hear your voice. But I am content in knowing you are with me always, and I think you'd be proud of the woman I've become.
That's about all I can say right now. There doesn't seem to be a "right" way to end this entry, other than to say I love you.
"Simple is good...." 8/31/2008 Mitakuye Oys'in (also posted in my other space)There is no doubt we are all related as the title of this entry says in Lakota. It goes hand in hand with "everything is, or tries to be a circle".
Lat night I was gong thru a box, looking for things to put in a yard sale coming up shortly here at my condo complex. I came across a little bell on a chain, that once upon a time hung in a large cage in a house I used to live in. I just sat there for a very long time, holding it...
For the last several months I have been badly missing two prairie dogs I used to have. I'm sure someone reading this will think "so you kept them in CAGES?". To this I answer that what I did was rescue them from a dirty pet store and gave them a much better life than dying there or being bought by someone on a whim who would tire of them, treat them badly and who knows what else (this was way back in the '90's). They are wild animals and of course they bite. Not many people have the patience to get thru the biting stage. It takes time, patience, ALOT of love and a knowledge of how to settle them down. They are highly social animals... so much so that if you have one, and don't spend alot of time with it, it will die. Since I work all day, I bought two (for a total of $400 plus everything else they'd need for their well being and comfort... and toys for entertainment lol) so they could bond with each other, figuring that since they had each other, they might never bond with me... but that was ok. I loved them with all my heart.
Anyway, getting to the MSN homepage this morning I saw a link to an article addressing a problem with ferrets on the great plains... in the Badlands to be exact. And knowing wild ferrets eat prairie dogs, I clicked on the link to the story. I hope you will too (it won't take long to read it).
In one part they spoke of how the prairie dog is important to the diet of Hawks, owls and others. But something even more important is what they omitted. Prairie dogs are the masters of prairie lands conservation. They eat ALOT of grass, keeping it low in areas of their dens (the reason is so they can see ground predators coming). Buffalo herds are often found grazing around prairie dogs "towns", because after the dogs have eaten it, it grows back tender and full of nutrients and is therefore the favorite of the Buffalo (and antelope). Where prairie dogs live, there is no need for man to set those "controlled burns"... which too often get out of control and are disastrous. Natural law lives on these prairies in all its glory. And the prairie dog is a most valuable part of that infrastructure.
Getting back to my prairie dogs, Pookie & Booboo, as it turned out I must have been doing things right... because they BOTH bonded with me. They are very clean animals, and rare in that they have no natural odor like ferrets do. In the wild when they dig their burrows, they create chambers for different purposes, one of them being where they keep their waste. The same is true if you have them and must keep them caged. They are able to choose one spot where they do their stuff lol... and it's the ONLY place they'll do it. I kept the rather large cage in our rec room, and every night when I let them out to roam and play with me, if they had to "go" they would retreat to the cage to do it and then come back out. They do however, need constant supervision when out and running around. They LOVE to chew... and being very easy going I let them chew pretty much what they wanted lol... but it was tough with Booboo, because one of her favorite things to do was... uhhh... disconnecting the stereo systems wiring, and that was a danger for her. They both knew the word "NO"... and she KNEW climbing over the floor level of the system was something she shouldn't do. So after awhile it was hilarious to watch her slowly make her way to that area, putting her front paws up on the equipment getting ready to climb over it to get to the back of it where the wires were. But not before turning her head around to see if I was watching lmao. One loud NO was enough to stop her.
Something else they do in the wild is pretty cool... I call it "checking in with each other". They'd do their exploring separately, but every now and then get back together and do the kissing thing, and touching each others faces with their paws. It's kind of like "ok.... you're still here, and I know you, so everything's cool". I can't tell you how good it made me feel when they'd do this with me too. They were fairly quiet little things most of the time... but every day when I'd get home from work and open the door saying "Hey babieeeeees", they'd do the famous "jump yip". In the wild, this is to let everyone know "everything's ok now" (usually after a predator had left the area).
I could go on and on about them, and how things they did was true to form of their relatives still on the prairies. But I'll stop here because I feel the "I wish" thing coming on (like I wish I'd had a cam corder back then, or taken more pictures than i did etc, etc). When they got old and became sick (one a year before the other did) I spent thousands of dollars in vet bills trying to save them. Pookie was the last to go in 2001 or 2002 (about a month after I had been gone 3 months taking care of my dad in NY who had cancer and wanted to die at home. Naturally I wondered what had happened while she was in the care of my then husband). And strangely enough, Booboo went VERY shortly after I returned from my 3 1/2 week camping trip. She had been left in the care of a friend of my husbands.. who stopped going to the house when the air conditioning system went out while we were gone
 ).At the ages of about 8 & 9, they were still my "babies". They had been a huge part of my life, and I take some consolation in feeling that they both knew I loved them, and they had accepted and loved me too. There was no question I would be there for them at the end... as much as I hated losing them, I couldn't stand the thought of their suffering. So at the vets office, for each one, their journey began. In my arms I cradled them as they took their last breath, and felt their spirit pass through me. They will remain a part of me forever...
8/21/2008 A Heads UpJust found out about a new miniseries that will air in 2009 on PBS about 5 events in Native history... check the site out for sure. Informative too with other goings on connected with the series.
8/14/2008 Another Chapter...Unsettled Business In 1995 I had an adventure (you, however, may choose to call it an experience or nightmare… take your pick) that pretty much made a permanent dent in my life. Over the years, I’ve attempted to tell a few people about it. But I found it was very, very difficult to explain, simply because it was so bizarre… people couldn’t quite grasp or understand the whole cause of it. Plus it took too long to tell (or write about). Just this week I came across something that can do it for me… to clear things up for those I attempted to share the info with. And for those who are unaware, be prepared to be totally blown away lol. The link that follows will take you to the (written) archives of ABC TV’s show “Primetime”, a particular show that aired in 2001. It’s an investigative report of the same thing that happened to me in 1995, and worse, to many other younger women in subsequent years. The “culprit” as I’ll call it, was not found out until just before or around the beginning of 2001. The second link is somewhat of a follow up article done a few months later.
After reading one or all of them you can, if you want to, scroll down a ways to read my own personal account of how it went for me back in 1995. http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/Story?id=132264&page=1 http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/Story?id=132213&page=1 try this one too.... by Abbott Labs themselves. Note the date of 1993. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m3498/is_n8_v56/ai_14470435
Keep going lol…
Ok at this point I need to put the word choriocarcinoma here for anyone doing a search on it. If it helps jsut ONE person......
No cheating lmao…
Ok… I kinda like this font better so here goes. First things first. I had the best doctor possible… Director of Education of women’s gyn oncology at a major hospital here. He talked to every doctor across the country he could to see if any had heard of a case like mine. They all responded “no… and I’m glad she’s not mine” lol. I never for a moment thought any of this was his fault. But more important, and maybe because even at the time I referred to it as “my adventure”, I never did the “why me?” thing. My journey with this began in about May ‘95. The first chemo treatments started in June, using methotrexate as the toxic agent injected thru a pik line once a week. (the pik line was inserted beforehand near the inside of my elbow into a vein and threaded to my heart so the chemo would be “blasted” with the greatest force throughout my whole body. Months later it was removed due to having phlebitis twice). I was still able to work and didn’t get too sick from it. But with no positive results after blood tests, the agent was changed to something a lot rougher, called dactinomycin. Now, this was some nasty shit. Every day for five days, then off five days and start again, on and on. Complete with all the throwing up, hair loss and everything else you’ve heard of plus more. Damn, I had extra side effects my doctor had never even heard of much less seen before lol. By the end of August when those little hcg numbers were still the same, it was decided I should have a hysterectomy and that other thing they do sometimes with it (I’ll never remember what it’s called but it was in the article I think). With a little time to regain some strength I had the surgery in September. My doctor was hoping that a biopsy of everything they took out would finally show where this tiny colony of cancerous cells was hiding, because still nothing showed up on CT scans, MRI’s or every other test I’d had, looking in the lungs, brain and every other possible organ. Poor guy… nothing showed up then either. I had another blood test before a follow up visit with him (and by this time he had me going to different labs). By now I had pretty much decided my next course of action, so when I went for the visit and the hcg was STILL there, I was ready. He advised me that now I would have to have more aggressive chemo with a combination of agents. I just looked at him and said “No, I don’t HAVE to do ANYthing”. To which he answered “then you’ll die”. Yeah, I pretty much figured you’d say that… For those of you who believe as I do that crossing over is just as natural as being born to this earth, the hardest part of all is trying to prepare the other people in your life. I had been married at that time for about 11 years to a basically sweet guy who hadn’t been able to handle the ordeal from the start. Just one of those people who can’t cope… so if you stick your head in the sand (like an ostrich), it ain’t happening lol. Going to the doctor for the visit to get the diagnosis of a fatal cancer… driving to chemo (at least the first type)… I went by myself. Much harder than telling him was driving straight from that last dr visit to see my coworkers who loved and had missed me. A LOT of tears there, no matter how many times I told them I was ok with it all. There really is no way to “prepare” another. They have to already have their own ways of looking at things like this and dealing with it. Spontaneous humor on my part could lighten a moment, but after that I can’t do much else. I can only appreciate truly knowing how much they cared and loved me for who I am. My dad, at times like this (by telephone), was always a man of few words. I understood and knew him like no one else, so when he simply said “Tah, I’ve got to go now” it was fine with me. (“Tah” was his nickname for me since I was about 7 years old but that’s another story lol). My son and daughter… well, they’re not just another story… they’re a whole book by itself lol. And at that time, there was no way to contact either of them. During the time I was still home trying to get well enough to go back to work, I had plenty of time to think and dream. And it was a pretty good stuff to tell you the truth. I began to get really excited about the final journey. My faith in my Creator had always been strong, yet the relationship grew deeper on a level not to even try to explain. I had not yet at that time in my life been given the Lakota teachings… yet I found that what I believed then is just what I was taught years later. Small wonder I was eventually led to those teachings. But one thing that happened during this time at home was something I will never forget and be eternally grateful for. But first a little insight. I think that no matter how one deals with or reacts to a months long battle like this, of this I am certain. While it’s happening, and it begins with the first “You might have a fatal cancer”, it immediately becomes a part of you. When you wake up every morning, your body and mind speak to you saying “I have cancer”… perhaps adding the part about dying too. And I mean every single day, every moment it’s there, somewhere making noise inside you… as if you really need reminding lol. And you get tired of it… but it’s still THERE. But I was lucky. Very lucky and loved. Two friends at work had decided I needed a weekend at the beach… just to get away from it all before I returned to the office. So they booked me a room for a Saturday and Sunday and THEN told me lol. I doubt they realized the impact that weekend would have on my life at the time they set it up. But it was just what I needed… a change of scenery. A place to wake up where, when opening my eyes everything I saw was different. And that in itself broke the daily thought pattern, which changed my daily routine from that point on. I felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted, and could go into my journey in an even better… and simple way. ‘This story, or chapter of my life ends in some ways during February 1996 when I went for another follow up Dr visit (we were still keeping tabs on them damned hcg numbers lol). His words were something like “I don’t know how REALLY valuable this may be, but I finally found ONE case history like yours in a medical journal. I now believe you probably, or might not have cancer after all”. And some truth that was deep inside of me (but had been lightly nagging me all along) spoke up and I said “I kinda had my doubts about the whole thing in some weird way but could never be sure”. Now, this is where just about everyone says “Oh my god, you must have been ECSTATIC!!!”. But this is also where I am ME. True, there was a kind of relief of sorts. But I can’t explain to any of you how ready I was to GO. To take the biggest adventure of all in crossing over. There was something like anger hearing that it was not to be… not now. I felt cheated. But with time, that faded, and other journeys began…. I’m going to attempt to insert before and after (chemo) pics here. There are long term effects that can’t be changed… the whole deal literally aged me about 10 years. And did you know that just having chemo puts you at risk for having cancer in the future? I didn’t. Wish I still had my “Chemo Sabe” ball cap lol. But to this day I believe my now ex husband “misplaced” it during our 1999 three week camping trip (he hated that hat rofl). Maybe it was the only way he could finally close his own “chapter”… FEB '95 Late Oct '95 7/26/2008 The Story Behind the New Zealand PicsFive years ago, with one click of a key on here my life changed forever. This was during the old MSN days, and up to that time I spent most chat time in a private group room, but I was bored one night, missing my man and decided to venture into public chatrooms. It's amazing where curiosity will take you... and in one keystroke, exit my man and enter a group of people I became very close to. Tight bonds developed, and one of those was with a beautiful soul living in New Zealand with her three beautiful children. She was known as "Datu", and after all this time I still call her that rather than Tracey lol.
Then, in 2006 she and her sister came to the states and Canada to visit some of their online friends and soulies. They spent a week with me here in Florida, and we had THE BEST time together. In May of this year it was my turn to go visit her, and I saw it coming as one of two trips of a lifetime (the other was a three week camping trip around the country in 1999). We had talked about so many things we'd do.... places we'd go, things we'd talk about and more. THIS was gonna be GREAT
 .One small detail I should mention here is that I'm 57 years old going on 10. Long ago, I consciously chose to never, ever totally "grow up". Unfortunately, the body I reside in had other plans. It has, at times, defied medical science lol... and refuses to cooperate with my choice made long ago. I only say this here because it's what changed all "plans" for my trip in a major way. Two days after arriving in New Zealand it began... inflammation thru my entire body that caused alot of pain and fatigue. One thing I remember tho is as soon as I got off the plane, I was constantly thirsty, and that didn't change, so I constantly had a bottle of water or juice with me at all times... even next to the bed at night. Over there the seasons are the opposite of ours, so it was going into winter... and very damp climate to boot... more so as day turned to night and vice versa. For all the fun I had in the first couple of days, walking and climbing trees, swinging from them lol... I paid a dear price. I told Datu (laughing as I said it) that I felt like she had beaten me up lol. It was all downhill physically from there. The pain and fatigue kept me from further ventures out to see the beautiful countryside. I remember thinking "I'll feel better tomorrow if I just rest a bit"... but that didn't happen. Even the very short walk to the kids school grounds to watch them play soccer took a toll.
I did alot of sitting outside at her lovely home, and was absolutely captivated by all the birds and their songs I'd never heard before. It was like being in another world... I couldn't get enough of them. And the monarch butterflies - they were everywhere! We were able to watch them unfold, drying their wings... it was magic. And the kids... Jamie, Jessie and David... I am blessed to have gotten to know them after hearing so much about them over the years. They can, of course be a handful for my sis (as I call Datu).. but I'm telling you , she is a saint, raising them by herself lol. To watch the dynamics of this little family was wonderful. They are all so very close to each other. I'd give anything right now to be back there witnessing Datu with her 14 year old daughter Jamie rolling around on the floor wrestling and laughing so hard lol. And to see what David had up his sleeve next rofl... his curiosity about everything touched me, and he is great at practical jokes lol. And Jessie... beautiful sweet Jessie... constantly reminding everyone that she loves them. To spend two weeks with such a pure and innocent soul has blessed me for the rest of my days. I love you too, Jessie
 .By the second week, Monday night to Tuesday morning, the cruel jokes my body was playing got serious. I couldn't even get out of bed until about 1 o'clock Tuesday afternoon, and made the short walk to the living room where Datu was on the phone. Wasn't there long when I got up from the sofa feeling like I was really gonna be ill and headed back down the hall... but apparently didn't get far lol. In the New Zealand photo album is a picture I call "The Landing Strip", which is where I passed out (for the first time in my life, EVER). The last thing I remember was calling her name because I was suddenly more dizzy than I'd ever been and sort of knew I was going down and out. Sis, I want to thank you again here and now for being there with the medical training you've had. She did everything right, including calling an ambulance when I was saying no don't do it lol. So from there I was taken to the ER at a hospital in Aukland... an hour away, but she was right there with me shortly after my arrival. I don't know how she made arrangements for the kids care AND the trip so fast. She told me that as I was on my way down I hit my head twice pretty hard, which explained the two giant eggs on my head lol. I had xrays, cat scans and numerous tests, showing that I was severly dehydrated (as I had my bottle of juice beside me lol).. so much so that my kidneys were not functioning and my blood pressure was way too low (I'm on meds cuz it's normally way to HIGH rofl). They also found a bone fragment floating around my knee replacement (I knew I had done SOMEthing there lol). Oh yeah.. then there was my neck. Hurting pretty bad, so they put a hard collar on me and wouldn't let me even sit up... and the collar was pressing right on one of the big lumps on my head. By the time we found all this out it was getting late, so Datu had to get home. I was being admitted and they found a room at about 4 am. I didn't realize until MUCH later that morning that my new "roomies" were three MEN that I'd be spending four of my last five days in New Zealand with roflmao. It was all quite an adventure (especially the food
 ). Like finally up and around starting down the hall to the toilet but forgetting I was hooked up to a pole lol. Poor nurses trying to find a vein... they had all collapsed (oh but you shoulda seen all the pretty colors it made lol). But the best was when Datu came to visit... highjacking a wheelhair to take me outside for a forbidden smoke lol... omg and the laughing we did... so hard and sooo loud and uncontrollable... but that seems to be the norm when we get near each other lmao...Finally, I was released to spend my last day back with the family before flying home, and FINALLY got to see her sister Chelle who had come to the states two years ago, and it rained for the first time. She had had another friend from the states visit just weeks before and the same thing happened then too. Perfect weather til the last day, then the rain. And it seems his visit ended with an unexpected twist... all of his NZ pictures... ALL of them.... accidentally got deleted after being loaded to his computer, with no way to retrieve them. I told her to tell him I'd share my pics with HIM if he would tell me how MY scenic trips were rofl.
Anyway, after all is said and done, I'm not really bitching here about everything that went wrong. Sh*t happens, and doodoo occurs, but I have memories that can never be taken away that I treasure. For years she had been telling me about "her tree"... where she would go to think, cry, think some more... ever since she was a child. And to finally see it.... experience it and feel the energy... how can I put that into words? As a bonus, I also met some of her wonderful friends over there, and her mother, a very sweet lady. And I have NEVER had fish 'n chips that were so good... and I won't, until I go back again someday. At another time of year of course lol.
Sis, you are in my heart forever
7/12/2008 Under My RockYup... that's where I've been. It's bad and I know it, but sometimes it's so hard to come out from under it. I can understand how people I know and love think I've forgotten about them, or don't care anymore. But that couldn't be farther from the truth. And maybe some feel I'm downright rude, and I can't really blame them, can I? Sometimes I dont know why I spend so much time here, "hiding" as I do. I've always been somewhat of a loner... but even I know I carry it too far, like I have been for months and months now. Wish I could explain it to you, but I can't.
What I can tell you is this, and it comes from my heart and is my truth... I think of each and every one of you all the time. You all take up ALOT of my minds thoughts, and it's all and always in a good way. And then there are those that I think about and have no idea why, and to my way of thinking that means they are still in my life... like kids from elementary school, or teachers, or people I've worked with long ago. I can remember being in my crib lol... crying while the babysitter tried in vain to entertain me by dancing in a strange way. In later years I mentioned this to my mother, and with an astonished look on her face told me that yes, there was a babysitter who was Greek when we lived in the city (I was 4 when we moved away from there). Now tho, I couldn't tell you what I had for breakfast lol.
This is the first time in months that I've signed into this account, so maybe this weekend I'll try to bring it up to date. Alot has happened in the last several months that I'd like to share. Maybe I'll approach it by doing it in small pieces, so it doesn't seem like a monumental task lol. In the meantime, know that I cherish each and every one of you, and you are with me in every moment.
Mitakuye Oyas'in 12/29/2007 Wondering...WONDER. Look at that word. It's one of those that, the longer you look at it, the more strange looking it becomes. I'm already off to a weird start for this whole entry because of it. I constantly wonder. One can go to so many places wondering, when each thought leads to another.
So at this point I offer you the fact that in just naming this entry with one word, I am no longer being where I was to start with lol... but that's what it's all about, right?
To get back to the reason I'm here, I had a thought about 10 minutes ago. No telling now how it came to me, since my mind so easily wanders with wonder lol. But for some reason I thought of the familiar phrase "Oh, just take it with a grain of salt". And I've decided that along with the "intent" of that statement, in how it is used by people ("Oh, think nothing of it"), the sentence itself is useless and meaningless. Because, if you really think about it, a grain of salt is just like a grain of sand that contains an entire universe. Salt (in it's natural form, sodium chloride) is a part of Mother Earth, along with the other Stone People. It is ALIVE. It is older than you and me... it has seen more and experienced more than all of us put together as we are on this earth in our present form. Being of the Stone People it has a wisdom all its own. Next time you hear someone using that familiar phrase, think about it.
Having said that, I'm asking myself how I came to choose the word "Wondering" for this. I'm sure if I wonder (and wander) long enough, it will lead me back to the place I started. Because everything is a circle... and then there's natural law... and so much wonder in all things great and small... I wonder where I will go next...
10/22/2007 A Collection...... of beautiful words...
Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Others stay awhile, make footprints in our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.
When you come to the edge of all the light you know,
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly. This is beautiful, but not something I can put on the page.
Speakers up for sure.
Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons.
"Walking in the wind, I came upon a woman,
the kind who inspires one to dare to dream........"
I have been loved..
more to come...
10/2/2007 A Good ReadFrom the Department of Psychogy, University of Regina, by Angelina Baydala and Mary Hampton. This paper is on "Death and Dying, Grieving and End of Life Care: Understanding Personal Meanings of Aboriginal Friends". I am honored to have learned so much from one of the contributors...
The link, (in PDF format) http://www.uregina.ca/arts/psychology/faculty/baydala/Personal%20Meaning.pdf
9/15/2007 Hide n Seek Ok, one of these blog entries has FINALLY been updated. And nope - I'm not tellin which one
 P.S. 9/16/07 just posted a few pics of the area I wrote about yesterday  9/8/2007 MUSIC & MORE My music tastes run all over the place, so be prepared to change gears from one to another lmao
(These will all open in Windows Media Player) Friday November 30, 2007...
If any of these don't work, PLEASE let me know!!
Hope you can find something here that you like 
http://www.powwows.com/calendar Pow wow calendar of events
http://www.indiancountry.com/ News, articles and much more
http://www.indiancountry.com/content.cfm?id=1096415684 They make me proud to be a supporter!!
http://www.airos.org/airos.ram Live ndn radio
9/1/2007 Stuff that just happensOk, this is a new "category" i'm starting here, and all I can do is hope that it will be EASY to find once I post this first entry rofl. I know some years ago I created one called "Random Thoughts"... but I don't see it on or listed under the "BLOG" heading
 . Anyway, here goes...Saturday 9/1/07
Had to run an errand this morning, so got my butt out and headed for the pharmacy downtown to pick up some stuff. The place closes at 1pm, and I guess I got there about 10:30? As I pulled into the almost vacant parking lot, there was a city cop car barely rolling along. Now, the entrance to this place is at the rear of the building, and being "downtown" things are pretty dead there on weekends. Got out of my car near the door (at the same time, that cop car raced across the lot toward a dumpster), and two of the employees were standing outside with... ummmm... strange looks on their faces. When we all walked inside, I asked what was wrong and they replied "We just almost got robbed". I guess the cop was JUST getting the call as I was pulling in, cuz nobody else was in the place when I got there. They said a guy walked in with a shirt over his head, hand in pocket as if pointing a gun, and threatened their lives. So I"m realizing at this point that all this came down just MOMENTS ago. Had I not gone back into my apartment before leaving for a "soda to go", I'd have been in there with them all
 . After listening to their story, it seems they kept their cool and handled the whole thing real well. Yup... funny how things happen.After that, I decided to "buck up" and do something I'd been putting off... go out and buy a pair of shoes
 . Not just ANY shoes... I had to replace my "almost favorite pair". (INSERTED MENTAL NOTE: Argh... just saved this as a draft so I could get a pic out of files to add here,
but when I came back to edit this, couldn't find the category I had created for this called "TODAY". I swear....
 )...ANYWAYYYY since having a knee replacement over two years ago I haven't been able to wear most shoes. Now, sure, I'd rather not wear any at all, but my employer kinda frowns on that. So since the surgery, I've had two pairs of sneakers the knee will tolerate for an entire day. And one of them is a pair of black high top sneakers (no name brand, just "generic"). And lately, some of the seams have come a bit undone. What would YOU think if you walked into your local government office and a "specialist" came out to talk to you about your problem wearin a pair of them? lmao...
Now I don't know about you, but when I have a "favorite" pair of shoes, I get pretty attached to them. It's like a relationship... like a comfortable friend. My "pony"... my car, is the same way. ALL my cars have been like that (but they are another story). Suffice it to say, I was not looking forward to "shoe shopping" to find another pair to replace these. Guess I got lucky (yeah, yeah, I know "luck" is bull lol) but I found some at the second store I went to. Only these are "genuine" Converse high tops, but they'll do.
I'm thinking about having a "practice" memorial service for my old ones in about an hour. I mean, I can't throw them out... and I"m sure I'll still wear them. Just not to work
 .PILAMAYEMany thanks to my friend "AJustjohn" here for making the music on this site possible  8/19/2007 testing DUHHH lolOk, if this works, ya gotta know - sometimes, this is SOOOO me lmao
It was sent to someone (i have no idea who lol) back in 2003. (Oh yeah... and if it doesn't run
smoothly the first time, it should do better the 2nd)
8/16/2007 I could use your help I just asked a contact here for help on this, but I know he's got other things to deal with these days. If any of you can tell me how to get a full piece of music on the media player here, I'd be very grateful. The short .wav I have on it now is a file I have saved in a doc on a private msn group site (and unless your volume is turned up, you pobably won't even hear it). But I would love to share some real music on the player... I just can't figure out how. If I link to a song in the way I've tried, it comes back blank in the URL box after clicking save
.Any advice would be appreciated (but you already knew that lol)... Pilamaye! |
.
. Didn't take many pics at all, altho I got one of me when I had just barely gotten out of the car and someone wanted to take my pic, so I handed them MY camera too lol. I should create an album here of just pow wow pics... I'll start it off with a few from this weekend and add to it when I have more time (and go to more pow wows lol). I entered what they called a "lu-lu" contest (I call it a trill) just for the fun of it. For those who may not know what a trill is, it's the very high pitched call given by the tribe's women when the warriors return from battle. At pow wows we trill if we see someone perhaps dancing in a way we think is real good (just an example)... I trill while dancing when the drum is beating very hard. Guess I should also explain that most (but not all) women's dancing is rather subdued... we do not dance like the men, so a trill is a good way to "let it out" .|
|
