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2008/8/31 Mitakuye Oys'in (also posted in my other space)There is no doubt we are all related as the title of this entry says in Lakota. It goes hand in hand with "everything is, or tries to be a circle".
Lat night I was gong thru a box, looking for things to put in a yard sale coming up shortly here at my condo complex. I came across a little bell on a chain, that once upon a time hung in a large cage in a house I used to live in. I just sat there for a very long time, holding it...
For the last several months I have been badly missing two prairie dogs I used to have. I'm sure someone reading this will think "so you kept them in CAGES?". To this I answer that what I did was rescue them from a dirty pet store and gave them a much better life than dying there or being bought by someone on a whim who would tire of them, treat them badly and who knows what else (this was way back in the '90's). They are wild animals and of course they bite. Not many people have the patience to get thru the biting stage. It takes time, patience, ALOT of love and a knowledge of how to settle them down. They are highly social animals... so much so that if you have one, and don't spend alot of time with it, it will die. Since I work all day, I bought two (for a total of $400 plus everything else they'd need for their well being and comfort... and toys for entertainment lol) so they could bond with each other, figuring that since they had each other, they might never bond with me... but that was ok. I loved them with all my heart.
Anyway, getting to the MSN homepage this morning I saw a link to an article addressing a problem with ferrets on the great plains... in the Badlands to be exact. And knowing wild ferrets eat prairie dogs, I clicked on the link to the story. I hope you will too (it won't take long to read it).
In one part they spoke of how the prairie dog is important to the diet of Hawks, owls and others. But something even more important is what they omitted. Prairie dogs are the masters of prairie lands conservation. They eat ALOT of grass, keeping it low in areas of their dens (the reason is so they can see ground predators coming). Buffalo herds are often found grazing around prairie dogs "towns", because after the dogs have eaten it, it grows back tender and full of nutrients and is therefore the favorite of the Buffalo (and antelope). Where prairie dogs live, there is no need for man to set those "controlled burns"... which too often get out of control and are disastrous. Natural law lives on these prairies in all its glory. And the prairie dog is a most valuable part of that infrastructure.
Getting back to my prairie dogs, Pookie & Booboo, as it turned out I must have been doing things right... because they BOTH bonded with me. They are very clean animals, and rare in that they have no natural odor like ferrets do. In the wild when they dig their burrows, they create chambers for different purposes, one of them being where they keep their waste. The same is true if you have them and must keep them caged. They are able to choose one spot where they do their stuff lol... and it's the ONLY place they'll do it. I kept the rather large cage in our rec room, and every night when I let them out to roam and play with me, if they had to "go" they would retreat to the cage to do it and then come back out. They do however, need constant supervision when out and running around. They LOVE to chew... and being very easy going I let them chew pretty much what they wanted lol... but it was tough with Booboo, because one of her favorite things to do was... uhhh... disconnecting the stereo systems wiring, and that was a danger for her. They both knew the word "NO"... and she KNEW climbing over the floor level of the system was something she shouldn't do. So after awhile it was hilarious to watch her slowly make her way to that area, putting her front paws up on the equipment getting ready to climb over it to get to the back of it where the wires were. But not before turning her head around to see if I was watching lmao. One loud NO was enough to stop her.
Something else they do in the wild is pretty cool... I call it "checking in with each other". They'd do their exploring separately, but every now and then get back together and do the kissing thing, and touching each others faces with their paws. It's kind of like "ok.... you're still here, and I know you, so everything's cool". I can't tell you how good it made me feel when they'd do this with me too. They were fairly quiet little things most of the time... but every day when I'd get home from work and open the door saying "Hey babieeeeees", they'd do the famous "jump yip". In the wild, this is to let everyone know "everything's ok now" (usually after a predator had left the area).
I could go on and on about them, and how things they did was true to form of their relatives still on the prairies. But I'll stop here because I feel the "I wish" thing coming on (like I wish I'd had a cam corder back then, or taken more pictures than i did etc, etc). When they got old and became sick (one a year before the other did) I spent thousands of dollars in vet bills trying to save them. Pookie was the last to go in 2001 or 2002 (about a month after I had been gone 3 months taking care of my dad in NY who had cancer and wanted to die at home. Naturally I wondered what had happened while she was in the care of my then husband). And strangely enough, Booboo went VERY shortly after I returned from my 3 1/2 week camping trip. She had been left in the care of a friend of my husbands.. who stopped going to the house when the air conditioning system went out while we were gone
 ).At the ages of about 8 & 9, they were still my "babies". They had been a huge part of my life, and I take some consolation in feeling that they both knew I loved them, and they had accepted and loved me too. There was no question I would be there for them at the end... as much as I hated losing them, I couldn't stand the thought of their suffering. So at the vets office, for each one, their journey began. In my arms I cradled them as they took their last breath, and felt their spirit pass through me. They will remain a part of me forever...
2008/8/21 A Heads UpJust found out about a new miniseries that will air in 2009 on PBS about 5 events in Native history... check the site out for sure. Informative too with other goings on connected with the series.
2008/8/14 Another Chapter...Unsettled Business In 1995 I had an adventure (you, however, may choose to call it an experience or nightmare… take your pick) that pretty much made a permanent dent in my life. Over the years, I’ve attempted to tell a few people about it. But I found it was very, very difficult to explain, simply because it was so bizarre… people couldn’t quite grasp or understand the whole cause of it. Plus it took too long to tell (or write about). Just this week I came across something that can do it for me… to clear things up for those I attempted to share the info with. And for those who are unaware, be prepared to be totally blown away lol. The link that follows will take you to the (written) archives of ABC TV’s show “Primetime”, a particular show that aired in 2001. It’s an investigative report of the same thing that happened to me in 1995, and worse, to many other younger women in subsequent years. The “culprit” as I’ll call it, was not found out until just before or around the beginning of 2001. The second link is somewhat of a follow up article done a few months later.
After reading one or all of them you can, if you want to, scroll down a ways to read my own personal account of how it went for me back in 1995. http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/Story?id=132264&page=1 http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/Story?id=132213&page=1 try this one too.... by Abbott Labs themselves. Note the date of 1993. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m3498/is_n8_v56/ai_14470435
Keep going lol…
Ok at this point I need to put the word choriocarcinoma here for anyone doing a search on it. If it helps jsut ONE person......
No cheating lmao…
Ok… I kinda like this font better so here goes. First things first. I had the best doctor possible… Director of Education of women’s gyn oncology at a major hospital here. He talked to every doctor across the country he could to see if any had heard of a case like mine. They all responded “no… and I’m glad she’s not mine” lol. I never for a moment thought any of this was his fault. But more important, and maybe because even at the time I referred to it as “my adventure”, I never did the “why me?” thing. My journey with this began in about May ‘95. The first chemo treatments started in June, using methotrexate as the toxic agent injected thru a pik line once a week. (the pik line was inserted beforehand near the inside of my elbow into a vein and threaded to my heart so the chemo would be “blasted” with the greatest force throughout my whole body. Months later it was removed due to having phlebitis twice). I was still able to work and didn’t get too sick from it. But with no positive results after blood tests, the agent was changed to something a lot rougher, called dactinomycin. Now, this was some nasty shit. Every day for five days, then off five days and start again, on and on. Complete with all the throwing up, hair loss and everything else you’ve heard of plus more. Damn, I had extra side effects my doctor had never even heard of much less seen before lol. By the end of August when those little hcg numbers were still the same, it was decided I should have a hysterectomy and that other thing they do sometimes with it (I’ll never remember what it’s called but it was in the article I think). With a little time to regain some strength I had the surgery in September. My doctor was hoping that a biopsy of everything they took out would finally show where this tiny colony of cancerous cells was hiding, because still nothing showed up on CT scans, MRI’s or every other test I’d had, looking in the lungs, brain and every other possible organ. Poor guy… nothing showed up then either. I had another blood test before a follow up visit with him (and by this time he had me going to different labs). By now I had pretty much decided my next course of action, so when I went for the visit and the hcg was STILL there, I was ready. He advised me that now I would have to have more aggressive chemo with a combination of agents. I just looked at him and said “No, I don’t HAVE to do ANYthing”. To which he answered “then you’ll die”. Yeah, I pretty much figured you’d say that… For those of you who believe as I do that crossing over is just as natural as being born to this earth, the hardest part of all is trying to prepare the other people in your life. I had been married at that time for about 11 years to a basically sweet guy who hadn’t been able to handle the ordeal from the start. Just one of those people who can’t cope… so if you stick your head in the sand (like an ostrich), it ain’t happening lol. Going to the doctor for the visit to get the diagnosis of a fatal cancer… driving to chemo (at least the first type)… I went by myself. Much harder than telling him was driving straight from that last dr visit to see my coworkers who loved and had missed me. A LOT of tears there, no matter how many times I told them I was ok with it all. There really is no way to “prepare” another. They have to already have their own ways of looking at things like this and dealing with it. Spontaneous humor on my part could lighten a moment, but after that I can’t do much else. I can only appreciate truly knowing how much they cared and loved me for who I am. My dad, at times like this (by telephone), was always a man of few words. I understood and knew him like no one else, so when he simply said “Tah, I’ve got to go now” it was fine with me. (“Tah” was his nickname for me since I was about 7 years old but that’s another story lol). My son and daughter… well, they’re not just another story… they’re a whole book by itself lol. And at that time, there was no way to contact either of them. During the time I was still home trying to get well enough to go back to work, I had plenty of time to think and dream. And it was a pretty good stuff to tell you the truth. I began to get really excited about the final journey. My faith in my Creator had always been strong, yet the relationship grew deeper on a level not to even try to explain. I had not yet at that time in my life been given the Lakota teachings… yet I found that what I believed then is just what I was taught years later. Small wonder I was eventually led to those teachings. But one thing that happened during this time at home was something I will never forget and be eternally grateful for. But first a little insight. I think that no matter how one deals with or reacts to a months long battle like this, of this I am certain. While it’s happening, and it begins with the first “You might have a fatal cancer”, it immediately becomes a part of you. When you wake up every morning, your body and mind speak to you saying “I have cancer”… perhaps adding the part about dying too. And I mean every single day, every moment it’s there, somewhere making noise inside you… as if you really need reminding lol. And you get tired of it… but it’s still THERE. But I was lucky. Very lucky and loved. Two friends at work had decided I needed a weekend at the beach… just to get away from it all before I returned to the office. So they booked me a room for a Saturday and Sunday and THEN told me lol. I doubt they realized the impact that weekend would have on my life at the time they set it up. But it was just what I needed… a change of scenery. A place to wake up where, when opening my eyes everything I saw was different. And that in itself broke the daily thought pattern, which changed my daily routine from that point on. I felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted, and could go into my journey in an even better… and simple way. ‘This story, or chapter of my life ends in some ways during February 1996 when I went for another follow up Dr visit (we were still keeping tabs on them damned hcg numbers lol). His words were something like “I don’t know how REALLY valuable this may be, but I finally found ONE case history like yours in a medical journal. I now believe you probably, or might not have cancer after all”. And some truth that was deep inside of me (but had been lightly nagging me all along) spoke up and I said “I kinda had my doubts about the whole thing in some weird way but could never be sure”. Now, this is where just about everyone says “Oh my god, you must have been ECSTATIC!!!”. But this is also where I am ME. True, there was a kind of relief of sorts. But I can’t explain to any of you how ready I was to GO. To take the biggest adventure of all in crossing over. There was something like anger hearing that it was not to be… not now. I felt cheated. But with time, that faded, and other journeys began…. I’m going to attempt to insert before and after (chemo) pics here. There are long term effects that can’t be changed… the whole deal literally aged me about 10 years. And did you know that just having chemo puts you at risk for having cancer in the future? I didn’t. Wish I still had my “Chemo Sabe” ball cap lol. But to this day I believe my now ex husband “misplaced” it during our 1999 three week camping trip (he hated that hat rofl). Maybe it was the only way he could finally close his own “chapter”… FEB '95 Late Oct '95 |
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